Eating cat
Let's be frank, here boys and girls. It's time to come clean and discuss some here adult topics. Get your kiddies out of the room and let's a have a one-on-one palaver about some sexual topics.
I have had a long-standing aversion to eating out a pussy. There, I said it. In my idealistic youth, lo these many years ago, I used to think this was the ultimate pleasure -- to nestle my face deep into that intimate area and start to enjoy the delicacy therein.
However, practical experience has shown that at best the pussy is a tasteless, odourless squishy mess and at worst it is a foul, putrid, rotten swamp. I have experienced some pussy that would make a garlic and onion eating, unshowered, cologne-reeking Frenchman recoil in horror, with his eyes watering and stomach dry retching. And this pussy that smelled so bad and horrid was smelled from a distance of 1 to 1,5 metres.
The female vulva, clitoris, labia and vagina are wonderful, god-created objects of art. They appeal to two of the five senses: sight and feeling. The other three are horrible features of some kind of horror movie nightmare. Taste and smell are not strong suits for this. The last sense, hearing, is one that I will never ever mention again in this context for obvious reasons.
What is the resolution of this fine mess; if I am attracted to pussy (who isn't, quite frankly) but am unable to bury my face in it? I have finally settled on a technique that should work -- and it has worked for me with medium success. I define "medium success" as being able to perform the cunnilingus for a few minutes so that I can move on to other objects like toys and fingers.
First, the amount of hair should be reduced as much as possible. Listen gals, we don't need to show off how manly we are. Cut back and shave that growth to a narrow landing strip, or even better, just get rid of the whole lot. I can't take the pubic hairs up the nostils for long without wanting to rear back and start slashing with a Lady Bic. Once again, shave it back so there's a little bit on top, or just go bald.
Second, you need plenty of access. The legs have to be spread W I D E open. Bend your knees, and grab your ankles and pull as hard as possible. No head-in-a-vice-I-can't-breathe-and-my-ears-are-going-to-explode syndrome here. You start squeezing my head or even my shoulders and I'm likely to get a little claustrophobic. I might freak out and start thrashing.
Third, I have learned the secret is to breathe through the mouth. Imagine dunking your head into a vat of raw sewage and taking a few deep nostril breaths. The way to get around this is to just keep your mouth open and breathe through the mouth. Stick our your tounge and start doing the business.
Fourth, tilt your head or angle her body so that you don't bury your nose in tickle fibres. See Section 1 for details.
Fifth, you will notice as you start wagging your tounge around wantonly with your mouth wide open and breathing through your mouth like a scuba diver, you will notice that you will start drooling and dripping. Well, if you are pretending to do your job right, she will be drooling and dripping as well, but from a different mouth with different lips. So the drool will run freely, disguised as femlube. Use the femlube as much as possible with your free hand and fingers. That will add further pleasures and stimulations which will help make this process as short as possible.
Hopefully by this time, you have done enough to move on to other business. I hope that I can spread some knowledge that will empower and enlighten the human race.
I have had a long-standing aversion to eating out a pussy. There, I said it. In my idealistic youth, lo these many years ago, I used to think this was the ultimate pleasure -- to nestle my face deep into that intimate area and start to enjoy the delicacy therein.
However, practical experience has shown that at best the pussy is a tasteless, odourless squishy mess and at worst it is a foul, putrid, rotten swamp. I have experienced some pussy that would make a garlic and onion eating, unshowered, cologne-reeking Frenchman recoil in horror, with his eyes watering and stomach dry retching. And this pussy that smelled so bad and horrid was smelled from a distance of 1 to 1,5 metres.
The female vulva, clitoris, labia and vagina are wonderful, god-created objects of art. They appeal to two of the five senses: sight and feeling. The other three are horrible features of some kind of horror movie nightmare. Taste and smell are not strong suits for this. The last sense, hearing, is one that I will never ever mention again in this context for obvious reasons.
What is the resolution of this fine mess; if I am attracted to pussy (who isn't, quite frankly) but am unable to bury my face in it? I have finally settled on a technique that should work -- and it has worked for me with medium success. I define "medium success" as being able to perform the cunnilingus for a few minutes so that I can move on to other objects like toys and fingers.
First, the amount of hair should be reduced as much as possible. Listen gals, we don't need to show off how manly we are. Cut back and shave that growth to a narrow landing strip, or even better, just get rid of the whole lot. I can't take the pubic hairs up the nostils for long without wanting to rear back and start slashing with a Lady Bic. Once again, shave it back so there's a little bit on top, or just go bald.
Second, you need plenty of access. The legs have to be spread W I D E open. Bend your knees, and grab your ankles and pull as hard as possible. No head-in-a-vice-I-can't-breathe-and-my-ears-are-going-to-explode syndrome here. You start squeezing my head or even my shoulders and I'm likely to get a little claustrophobic. I might freak out and start thrashing.
Third, I have learned the secret is to breathe through the mouth. Imagine dunking your head into a vat of raw sewage and taking a few deep nostril breaths. The way to get around this is to just keep your mouth open and breathe through the mouth. Stick our your tounge and start doing the business.
Fourth, tilt your head or angle her body so that you don't bury your nose in tickle fibres. See Section 1 for details.
Fifth, you will notice as you start wagging your tounge around wantonly with your mouth wide open and breathing through your mouth like a scuba diver, you will notice that you will start drooling and dripping. Well, if you are pretending to do your job right, she will be drooling and dripping as well, but from a different mouth with different lips. So the drool will run freely, disguised as femlube. Use the femlube as much as possible with your free hand and fingers. That will add further pleasures and stimulations which will help make this process as short as possible.
Hopefully by this time, you have done enough to move on to other business. I hope that I can spread some knowledge that will empower and enlighten the human race.
posted by T. Pascal | 1:41 PM
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