Mega disaster
I love those mega disaster pseudo documentaries that show on National Geographic or Discovery Channel. Saturday I watched a rehashed, boiler-plate, worry-wart, pollyanna National Geographic special on (said in loud celestial tones, with echo and booms)
It was regarding the four possible "unavoidable" dangers threatening Seattle during a megathrust earthquake. They are, for the record,
As each one was printed on the screen and stock footage of each was shown, I was in heaven. The endorphins were ripping through my brain and I was high as a kite. I was dancing with glee at how bad Seattle was going to get it. I've seen the stock footage a million times. The graphics depicting the city shaking were horrible. The narration was ominous and pretentious. But I was absolutely thrilled.
I always love to watch this destructive shit on TV. Some of my recent favourites:
Tsunami: don't call this a tidal wave. Make it large and destructive. Nothing less than 30 metres, please. I'm not interested in anything smaller.
Hurricane: level 5, please. Lots of damage and levee breaking.
Tornado: same as Hurricanes. Level 3 and 4 need not apply. Give me footage that is in the middle of the debris zone, not something shot from 4 miles away on a zoom. I watched a special on some idiot building a mini-tank in which he would drive into a tornado and film an IMAX movie. I say, good on you, mate. I'll watch you get a house dropped on you like they did to that cunny in the Wizard of Oz.
Super Volcano: not just a regular, ordinary volcano. I want a super volcano that is the size of Yellowstone park, that could potentially wipe us out like it did to some of the dinosaurs. I'd love nothing more than to sit on top of that caldera floor and feel the bad boy rumble for the few seconds before I disintigrate. That'd be hot.
Megathrust earthquake: No regular 5, 6 or 7 quakes, please. And no shallow, grinding shit. I want massive, peta-ton explosion sizes. Minimum entry for my excitement level is 8.5 and hopefully 9. Shake for minutes, not seconds, please. I love it!
Lhar: just the name evokes wonderful tingly sensation. "Lhar." "Lhar." It just rolls off the toungue, tasting delicious and scary. Lhar is not just a landslide. It's a fluid river of earth. It moves buildings, forests, bridges and it floats concrete. Rush on, old lhar. I love ye like ye were my own.
Pyroclastic cloud: hotter than the earth's core, as fast as the speed of sound. More deadly and destructive than lava and faster, too. What's not to love?
Comet, Asteroid or other Large Celestial Object: let's get something the size of California or Texas, and just go chuck that at the earth. None of this small size objects, like the size of a car or bus. Even something that's 7 miles by 1 mile by 1 mile isn't going to get my blood pumping. Give me a goddamned state in the black void of space hurtling at my head at 1 mega-metre per hour. That's some excellent stuff.
I'm so hot and bothered right now I need to go shake something off and smoke a tobacco stick.
Mega Quake
It was regarding the four possible "unavoidable" dangers threatening Seattle during a megathrust earthquake. They are, for the record,
- Ground shake
- Liquefaction
- Landslide
- Tsunami
As each one was printed on the screen and stock footage of each was shown, I was in heaven. The endorphins were ripping through my brain and I was high as a kite. I was dancing with glee at how bad Seattle was going to get it. I've seen the stock footage a million times. The graphics depicting the city shaking were horrible. The narration was ominous and pretentious. But I was absolutely thrilled.
I always love to watch this destructive shit on TV. Some of my recent favourites:
Tsunami: don't call this a tidal wave. Make it large and destructive. Nothing less than 30 metres, please. I'm not interested in anything smaller.
Hurricane: level 5, please. Lots of damage and levee breaking.
Tornado: same as Hurricanes. Level 3 and 4 need not apply. Give me footage that is in the middle of the debris zone, not something shot from 4 miles away on a zoom. I watched a special on some idiot building a mini-tank in which he would drive into a tornado and film an IMAX movie. I say, good on you, mate. I'll watch you get a house dropped on you like they did to that cunny in the Wizard of Oz.
Super Volcano: not just a regular, ordinary volcano. I want a super volcano that is the size of Yellowstone park, that could potentially wipe us out like it did to some of the dinosaurs. I'd love nothing more than to sit on top of that caldera floor and feel the bad boy rumble for the few seconds before I disintigrate. That'd be hot.
Megathrust earthquake: No regular 5, 6 or 7 quakes, please. And no shallow, grinding shit. I want massive, peta-ton explosion sizes. Minimum entry for my excitement level is 8.5 and hopefully 9. Shake for minutes, not seconds, please. I love it!
Lhar: just the name evokes wonderful tingly sensation. "Lhar." "Lhar." It just rolls off the toungue, tasting delicious and scary. Lhar is not just a landslide. It's a fluid river of earth. It moves buildings, forests, bridges and it floats concrete. Rush on, old lhar. I love ye like ye were my own.
Pyroclastic cloud: hotter than the earth's core, as fast as the speed of sound. More deadly and destructive than lava and faster, too. What's not to love?
Comet, Asteroid or other Large Celestial Object: let's get something the size of California or Texas, and just go chuck that at the earth. None of this small size objects, like the size of a car or bus. Even something that's 7 miles by 1 mile by 1 mile isn't going to get my blood pumping. Give me a goddamned state in the black void of space hurtling at my head at 1 mega-metre per hour. That's some excellent stuff.
I'm so hot and bothered right now I need to go shake something off and smoke a tobacco stick.
posted by T. Pascal | 7:51 AM
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