Lesbian "Wedding"

I got a fake-wedding invitation from one of my friends "who happens to be lesbian". It's not really a wedding, you understand, because that's not legal. I'm not particularly worried about gay and lesbian rights -- I don't give a fuck. But my good friend is worth a lot to me, so I have to be involved and become a pseudo activist. It's tiring to work up a sweat over the whole thing. We've been friends since at least 1988, so there's a lot of history there.

I'm conflicted because on the one hand I feel that two gay men going at it Brokeback style makes me sick to the bottom of my being. On the other hand, I love to watch a couple'a hottie fake lesbos start eatin' dessert and fingerin' and fistin' and rubbin' and lickin' all day. And to this day, I object to gay marriage on the grounds that Rosie O'Donnell is fucking ugly as shit, both from outside appearance and inside appearance and she should not be allowed to walk freely on this planet. Her girlfriend is kinda hot in that ugly real-lesbo butch way.

However, my two friends are the best people on the planet to me and I love both of them very much as if they were sisters. Or brothers. Or whatever the goddamned motherfuck. I love my two married gay friends!

So, yeah, I guess I have to allow that my two friends are wonderful and they mean the world to me, so that I want them to be just as happy as I am and have all the opportunities that I do. But goddamn it, just them! That's the line I'll draw.

It'll be a nice vacation anyway to get out of the house and stay at a resort for a weekend. See the sights, watch my friends stand up and pretend to get married. Relax, then go back home. Not bad for a weekend's work.