Head on -- apply directly to your asshole!

You've seen the commercials if you're unfortunate enough to watch CNN or CNN headline news (which I do). It's a very simple product and catch phrase. They just repeat it three times in a row, three times, so that you don't forget:

"Head on, apply directly to the forehead. Head on, apply directly to the forehead. Head on, apply directly to the forehead."

Sure, I could come up with some kind of slimy salve, put it in a deodorant stick and sell it myself. But I wouldn't have been able to come up with that sickening phrase, and then repeat it until it become meaningless mumbo-jumbo.

And then, if that weren't enough, they have branched off into joint therapy:

"Activ-on, apply directly where it hurts. Activ-on, apply directly where it hurts. Activ-on, apply directly where it hurts."

I can't believe they sell head-on as activ-on, and use the same slogan. I think they can charge more for Activ-on because it can be used in more places than Head-on. Maybe they charge more for the Activ-on, because it's missing an "e". Clearly this is aimed at the 90+ crowd, right? The crowd that watches QVC -- the crowd that trusted Dan Rather because he was "one of them".

But then, I started to wonder, you know, what if you mixed up the Head-on and Activ-on in your bathroom cabinet.

"Head-on, apply directly where it hurts. Or is it directly to the forehead? I can't recall. Activ-on goes directly where it hurts. But my head hurts. So can I use Activ-on there? My hemorrhoids have been acting up too, I think I can use Activ-on there! Clearly, you wouldn't use Head-on on your hemorrhoids!"

You thought that was a joke, right? I did too, but if you wait 15 seconds another commercial pops up exclaiming,

"Freedom from hemorrhoids? FREEdHEM! Freedom from hemorrhoids? FREEdHEM! Freedom from hemorrhoids? FREEdHEM!"

Oh.

My.

God.

"FREEdHEM, apply directly to your asshole! FREEdHem, freedom from head apply. Activ-on, apply directly to your forehead. Head-on, apply directly to your head. But not after you apply it to your ass. Remember, head first, ass second."

Coming soon,

"Vagidildo, apply directly to your cunt! Vagidildo, apply directly to your cunt! Vagidildo, apply directly to your cunt!"