WSOP, part 3
Went back for some more satellites on Saturday. First table I sat at was a $225 satellite. The notable players in this were the rich kindly old man in seat 1, myself in seat 2, young shaved head asian guy in 3, a Eurofish in seat 5, a cranky-type woman in 6, a grandmother in 7, and a motorised wheel-chair guy in 8.
The first hand of the game, I was the small blind and dealt Q8 of clubs. Four or five limpers including the big blind were playing (good, I thought, loose players will go out quicker). Flop was Q64 rainbow. I bet the pot (about 125) and all folded. Kindly gentleman tells me, "Congratulations, you are now the official chip leader!"
On the second level, after the blinds raised to 25/50, shaved head asian guy started raising every other hand. I was eager to look him up but unfortunately, he had position on me. When he was one off the button, I saw AJo and raised 3 times the BB and he called, but the big blind (the guy next to the wheelchair guy) who hadn't played a hand the entire time, moved all in. I quickly folded and shaved head asian guy too.
The very next hand, I look at my cards and see AQs. This is actually good for me, it looks like I was stealing before, so now it looks like I'm trying to steal again. I make it 3 times the BB again. This time, shaved head asian guy reraises a substantial amount, probably around 400 (which would be more than half my chips at that point). All fold to me, and I put him on a re-steal, so I move all-in. He quickly calls, so I realise he must not be re-stealing. He has about 400 more chips that I do.
He turns over QQ. Uh-oh. The flop is no help, the turn is a blank, but the river is an Ace. I say, "nice hand" and he looks crushed. Poor bastard. If I had a dollar for every time my QQ was cracked by AQ or AK, I'd have 23 dollars, 14 cents.
None the less, shaved head asian guy keeps raising. He's stealing the blinds from cranky woman and grandma. Those were my blinds to steal, goddamn it. Sometimes the seat draw is the most important card you play in a single table tournament. Suddenly, he runs into the wheel chair guy is low on chips. They essentially go all-in against each other. Wheel chair guy turns over 89 of diamonds (!!) and shaved head asian guy sighs and says, "I'm beat," turning over 55. Wheelchair guy wins the race and is still alive.
Grandma starts to make some moves with Ace-high, but she's cut down. She folds way too much and defends her blinds when she's low on chips. She spirals out when wheel chair guy puts her all-in with a King-high flop. He of course had the king, she had naught but an Ace.
Eurofish starts making some downright bizarre moves. Raising up front and folding to a reraise. Raising and then calling an all-in with Q8o. Raising 1000 into a 100 pot. He seemed to know what he was doing sometimes, and occasionally the calls were correct. But then he would shift into full eratic mode where you couldn't see any logic for his actions.
Around this time, cranky woman goes all-in against the shaved head asian guy and he calls. She shows KK, he shows A6o or something. An ace on the flop wipes her out down to 3 green chips. She goes all-in several times over the next few hands and wins all of them. She's back to normal-sized stack by then, making her even more cranky. She busts out Eurofish when he puts her all-in with his J4s. That takes her crank edge down a notch.
At the 100/200 level, I raise to 600 with my by-now-non-chip-leader stack with AA, hoping and praying for a re-steal or call from shaved head asian guy. He does indeed call, and we get to the flop. The flop is KQ-blank, rainbow, and having only 600 or 800 more, I push all-in. He stares me down for a very long time before folding. I suppose he didn't realise I would do that, or he was trying to push me around if I didn't move in. That was a mistake, I think, because with 600 more chips for a 1200 pot, I'm committed.
Eventually, wheel chair guy busts out shaved head asian guy, and cranky woman miraculously busts out everyone else. Wheel chair guy and I have about double the starting amount of chips each. Cranky lady has about 8 times more chips than each of us. Wheel chair guy offers a deal to save the buy-in. I vigorously nod and make some agreement noises. Cranky lady, understandably, looks at her mountain of chips and says she wants to win. I think, "This is a business enterprise, not some contest to see whose of our clenched cunt muscles can lock out the most dick."
I resolve to take a stand because I'm either going to place second or third at that point. I don't have a chance to win in third place, but I might be able to do something in second place. So a few hands later, wheel chair guy goes all-in, and I decide I'm going to call with JTo. He has K8o, and a ten on the flop saves me. It's now heads-up with cranky lady and me.
I have a rule, as you know, of not offering deals but I will gladly accept them. With her 4-to-1 chip lead, the odds are large but not unmanageable, especially if she isn't any good heads up.
The first hand, I am the button so I act first on the first round. I watch her look at her cards closely. She shouldn't look at her cards before I act, but she's stupid. So I raise with trash and she folds.
The second hand, she raises, I see trash, so I play weak to give back a little. I fold.
The third hand, I watch her look at her cards and raise with trash. She folds.
The fourth hand, she raises, so I play strong and flat call. I don't remember what the cards were. The flop was a total miss with Q-high. I push all-in. She folds. She starts to make her cranky exasperated noises.
The fifth hand, I watch her look at her cards and get a feeling, so I fold. She shows AK. She makes even more cranky, exasperated, "Why Oh Lord, why me, why poor, poor me, I am like Job's wife who must die because her husband needed to be taught a lesson by Thee, Oh Lord, in thy dispute with the Devil" type of noises.
The sixth hand, she raises and I play strong and call. The flop is A55. I wish I could remember and tell you my cards. I believe I had a queen. I push all-in. She agonises and waits and agonises. She makes exasperated noises. She looks at her cards, shuffles them, looks again. Quite frankly, I was getting a little worried she would call with 66 or 88 or something here. She finally folds and I'm now up to about a 3-1 dog.
"You had the ace?" she asks.
"Of course," I say. "I was worried you had a five," I lied.
"Do you want a deal?" she asks. I gladly and triumphantly take the fucking deal and the fucking money and fucking run. We split it down the middle, two tourney chips each plus $60 cash minus dealer tip. That wasn't so hard, was it?
I take my thousand dollars and play one more $125 table. The table is very unusual in the fact that we were down to 3 players at the 100/200 level. That's probably only 45 minutes or so. I still had my original stack, more or less. The guy to my left had a huge stack, basically 8.5 to 1 on me. The old guy to my right had a slightly larger stack than me.
I break my rule and ask, "Has anyone heard of people making deals?" The dealer nods and start to talk about "saving the buy-in", "chopping," etc. Unfortunately, these dunderheads don't even know what saving the buy-in means. Fortunately, the chatty dealer explains it. The chip leader says, "I'll do what he does," pointing to the old guy. What about little old, poor little me?
Old guy takes the deal and we agree to save the buy-in for second and third. I'm now on a freeroll. Chip leader busts out the old guy on the very next hand, to my chagrin, so now I have to pay that losing geezer part of my potential winnings to save his buy-in.
And, lucky of all luckies, chip leader turns to me with his 9-1 chip lead and says, "You want to chop it? It's a crapshoot really."
"Yeah," I smile nicely, "I've had a chip lead like that lots of times before and still lost." It's very important to lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and lie some more. Sometimes I wonder about the ease with which these lies pour forth and I wonder if there might be something wrong with me. Then I think of all the asses I've had to kiss, and all the dicks I've had to suck, and all the "Oh you're so big and strong" I've had to utter to get something done in this world that I shrug my shoulders and say, "Fuck 'em."
We split it one tourney chip each, minus 125 for the geezer, so basically just the chip each. Pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
The first hand of the game, I was the small blind and dealt Q8 of clubs. Four or five limpers including the big blind were playing (good, I thought, loose players will go out quicker). Flop was Q64 rainbow. I bet the pot (about 125) and all folded. Kindly gentleman tells me, "Congratulations, you are now the official chip leader!"
On the second level, after the blinds raised to 25/50, shaved head asian guy started raising every other hand. I was eager to look him up but unfortunately, he had position on me. When he was one off the button, I saw AJo and raised 3 times the BB and he called, but the big blind (the guy next to the wheelchair guy) who hadn't played a hand the entire time, moved all in. I quickly folded and shaved head asian guy too.
The very next hand, I look at my cards and see AQs. This is actually good for me, it looks like I was stealing before, so now it looks like I'm trying to steal again. I make it 3 times the BB again. This time, shaved head asian guy reraises a substantial amount, probably around 400 (which would be more than half my chips at that point). All fold to me, and I put him on a re-steal, so I move all-in. He quickly calls, so I realise he must not be re-stealing. He has about 400 more chips that I do.
He turns over QQ. Uh-oh. The flop is no help, the turn is a blank, but the river is an Ace. I say, "nice hand" and he looks crushed. Poor bastard. If I had a dollar for every time my QQ was cracked by AQ or AK, I'd have 23 dollars, 14 cents.
None the less, shaved head asian guy keeps raising. He's stealing the blinds from cranky woman and grandma. Those were my blinds to steal, goddamn it. Sometimes the seat draw is the most important card you play in a single table tournament. Suddenly, he runs into the wheel chair guy is low on chips. They essentially go all-in against each other. Wheel chair guy turns over 89 of diamonds (!!) and shaved head asian guy sighs and says, "I'm beat," turning over 55. Wheelchair guy wins the race and is still alive.
Grandma starts to make some moves with Ace-high, but she's cut down. She folds way too much and defends her blinds when she's low on chips. She spirals out when wheel chair guy puts her all-in with a King-high flop. He of course had the king, she had naught but an Ace.
Eurofish starts making some downright bizarre moves. Raising up front and folding to a reraise. Raising and then calling an all-in with Q8o. Raising 1000 into a 100 pot. He seemed to know what he was doing sometimes, and occasionally the calls were correct. But then he would shift into full eratic mode where you couldn't see any logic for his actions.
Around this time, cranky woman goes all-in against the shaved head asian guy and he calls. She shows KK, he shows A6o or something. An ace on the flop wipes her out down to 3 green chips. She goes all-in several times over the next few hands and wins all of them. She's back to normal-sized stack by then, making her even more cranky. She busts out Eurofish when he puts her all-in with his J4s. That takes her crank edge down a notch.
At the 100/200 level, I raise to 600 with my by-now-non-chip-leader stack with AA, hoping and praying for a re-steal or call from shaved head asian guy. He does indeed call, and we get to the flop. The flop is KQ-blank, rainbow, and having only 600 or 800 more, I push all-in. He stares me down for a very long time before folding. I suppose he didn't realise I would do that, or he was trying to push me around if I didn't move in. That was a mistake, I think, because with 600 more chips for a 1200 pot, I'm committed.
Eventually, wheel chair guy busts out shaved head asian guy, and cranky woman miraculously busts out everyone else. Wheel chair guy and I have about double the starting amount of chips each. Cranky lady has about 8 times more chips than each of us. Wheel chair guy offers a deal to save the buy-in. I vigorously nod and make some agreement noises. Cranky lady, understandably, looks at her mountain of chips and says she wants to win. I think, "This is a business enterprise, not some contest to see whose of our clenched cunt muscles can lock out the most dick."
I resolve to take a stand because I'm either going to place second or third at that point. I don't have a chance to win in third place, but I might be able to do something in second place. So a few hands later, wheel chair guy goes all-in, and I decide I'm going to call with JTo. He has K8o, and a ten on the flop saves me. It's now heads-up with cranky lady and me.
I have a rule, as you know, of not offering deals but I will gladly accept them. With her 4-to-1 chip lead, the odds are large but not unmanageable, especially if she isn't any good heads up.
The first hand, I am the button so I act first on the first round. I watch her look at her cards closely. She shouldn't look at her cards before I act, but she's stupid. So I raise with trash and she folds.
The second hand, she raises, I see trash, so I play weak to give back a little. I fold.
The third hand, I watch her look at her cards and raise with trash. She folds.
The fourth hand, she raises, so I play strong and flat call. I don't remember what the cards were. The flop was a total miss with Q-high. I push all-in. She folds. She starts to make her cranky exasperated noises.
The fifth hand, I watch her look at her cards and get a feeling, so I fold. She shows AK. She makes even more cranky, exasperated, "Why Oh Lord, why me, why poor, poor me, I am like Job's wife who must die because her husband needed to be taught a lesson by Thee, Oh Lord, in thy dispute with the Devil" type of noises.
The sixth hand, she raises and I play strong and call. The flop is A55. I wish I could remember and tell you my cards. I believe I had a queen. I push all-in. She agonises and waits and agonises. She makes exasperated noises. She looks at her cards, shuffles them, looks again. Quite frankly, I was getting a little worried she would call with 66 or 88 or something here. She finally folds and I'm now up to about a 3-1 dog.
"You had the ace?" she asks.
"Of course," I say. "I was worried you had a five," I lied.
"Do you want a deal?" she asks. I gladly and triumphantly take the fucking deal and the fucking money and fucking run. We split it down the middle, two tourney chips each plus $60 cash minus dealer tip. That wasn't so hard, was it?
I take my thousand dollars and play one more $125 table. The table is very unusual in the fact that we were down to 3 players at the 100/200 level. That's probably only 45 minutes or so. I still had my original stack, more or less. The guy to my left had a huge stack, basically 8.5 to 1 on me. The old guy to my right had a slightly larger stack than me.
I break my rule and ask, "Has anyone heard of people making deals?" The dealer nods and start to talk about "saving the buy-in", "chopping," etc. Unfortunately, these dunderheads don't even know what saving the buy-in means. Fortunately, the chatty dealer explains it. The chip leader says, "I'll do what he does," pointing to the old guy. What about little old, poor little me?
Old guy takes the deal and we agree to save the buy-in for second and third. I'm now on a freeroll. Chip leader busts out the old guy on the very next hand, to my chagrin, so now I have to pay that losing geezer part of my potential winnings to save his buy-in.
And, lucky of all luckies, chip leader turns to me with his 9-1 chip lead and says, "You want to chop it? It's a crapshoot really."
"Yeah," I smile nicely, "I've had a chip lead like that lots of times before and still lost." It's very important to lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, and lie some more. Sometimes I wonder about the ease with which these lies pour forth and I wonder if there might be something wrong with me. Then I think of all the asses I've had to kiss, and all the dicks I've had to suck, and all the "Oh you're so big and strong" I've had to utter to get something done in this world that I shrug my shoulders and say, "Fuck 'em."
We split it one tourney chip each, minus 125 for the geezer, so basically just the chip each. Pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
posted by T. Pascal | 6:05 PM
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