The Larry David Show Season Two
Started watching the second season of Larry David Show, I mean, Curb Your Enthusiasm on DVD. That is the funniest shit that man or beast has ever produced. The episode "Trick or Treat" involving Halloween is absolutely howlingly funny. Here's the scene:
Two teenage girls say, "Trick or Treat" and press the doorbell. Larry David comes out and says, "You don't have a costume, you can't have any candy. And aren't you guys a little old to be trick or treating?"
I have personally been in this situation. I have personally felt the same rage and anger that people will not even make the merest effort to earn their Halloween candy. If two year old can get dressed up in a costume, you can get off your fucking ass and do it too.
Larry refuses to give them candy and the teenage girls go away, shouting "Fuck you. Asshole." The next day, Larry's house is toilet papered and vandalised. He calls the police. They act suspicious of his claim about two girls.
"What were they wearing?" the police quiz.
"I dunno, she looked kind of like El Vira," Larry answers.
"So she did in fact have a costume?" the police ask suspiciously.
"No, it's just a short cut. It's a description. They had no costumes. There were not costumes. She wasn't dressed like El Vira," Larry flusters.
"Are you sure?" the cop asks. "Sometimes the costumes are subtle."
"Yes, I'm sure. There was no subtlety, it was not a costume," Larry stammers.
"Did they threaten you?" the cop quizzes.
"Well, yes. There was the 'Trick' threat," Larry answers.
"What trick threat?" the cop asks.
"Well, 'Trick or Treat'. It's like 'No treat? Aha, Trick!'"
"When a citizen says, 'Trick or Treat' and you open your door, you have a kind of social contract to give them the candy. Next time, I suggest you give them the candy," says the cop.
"Well, look at my house. I didn't know it was going to be 'Felony or Treat'. I thought it was 'Trick or Treat'. And what is the cutoff? Can I go around at 40 and ask for candy? I'm 40, give me some candy! I want free candy. I want free candy! That shouldn't be allowed," Larry rants.
The police are taking notes, looking at him, concerned, curious, but also very very suspicious at the same time.
"Look at my door," Larry continues, "It says 'BALD ASSHOLE'." And sure, enough, the door is spray painted bright yellow with the words, "BALD ASSHOLE" in all-caps. "That's offensive to me, and my people. We're bald people. We're a set. We're a group. It says 'Fuck you asshole bald people.' That's a hate crime."
The black, shaven head cop speaks up, "It doesn't say 'fuck you'. It just says 'Bald Asshole'. I'm bald, and I'm personally not offended." The cop waves at his head with a hand motion.
"No offense," says Larry, "You're not bald. You CHOOSE to shave your head. That's completely different. We don't accept you into our group. It's very exclusive. With all due respect, officer."
------
You must see it many times in your life. Thank god for this funny-ass shit.
Two teenage girls say, "Trick or Treat" and press the doorbell. Larry David comes out and says, "You don't have a costume, you can't have any candy. And aren't you guys a little old to be trick or treating?"
I have personally been in this situation. I have personally felt the same rage and anger that people will not even make the merest effort to earn their Halloween candy. If two year old can get dressed up in a costume, you can get off your fucking ass and do it too.
Larry refuses to give them candy and the teenage girls go away, shouting "Fuck you. Asshole." The next day, Larry's house is toilet papered and vandalised. He calls the police. They act suspicious of his claim about two girls.
"What were they wearing?" the police quiz.
"I dunno, she looked kind of like El Vira," Larry answers.
"So she did in fact have a costume?" the police ask suspiciously.
"No, it's just a short cut. It's a description. They had no costumes. There were not costumes. She wasn't dressed like El Vira," Larry flusters.
"Are you sure?" the cop asks. "Sometimes the costumes are subtle."
"Yes, I'm sure. There was no subtlety, it was not a costume," Larry stammers.
"Did they threaten you?" the cop quizzes.
"Well, yes. There was the 'Trick' threat," Larry answers.
"What trick threat?" the cop asks.
"Well, 'Trick or Treat'. It's like 'No treat? Aha, Trick!'"
"When a citizen says, 'Trick or Treat' and you open your door, you have a kind of social contract to give them the candy. Next time, I suggest you give them the candy," says the cop.
"Well, look at my house. I didn't know it was going to be 'Felony or Treat'. I thought it was 'Trick or Treat'. And what is the cutoff? Can I go around at 40 and ask for candy? I'm 40, give me some candy! I want free candy. I want free candy! That shouldn't be allowed," Larry rants.
The police are taking notes, looking at him, concerned, curious, but also very very suspicious at the same time.
"Look at my door," Larry continues, "It says 'BALD ASSHOLE'." And sure, enough, the door is spray painted bright yellow with the words, "BALD ASSHOLE" in all-caps. "That's offensive to me, and my people. We're bald people. We're a set. We're a group. It says 'Fuck you asshole bald people.' That's a hate crime."
The black, shaven head cop speaks up, "It doesn't say 'fuck you'. It just says 'Bald Asshole'. I'm bald, and I'm personally not offended." The cop waves at his head with a hand motion.
"No offense," says Larry, "You're not bald. You CHOOSE to shave your head. That's completely different. We don't accept you into our group. It's very exclusive. With all due respect, officer."
------
You must see it many times in your life. Thank god for this funny-ass shit.
posted by T. Pascal | 7:48 AM
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